I’ve recently visited a fair few dance floors abroad, and my verdict is – we’re doing it all wrong.
Once upon a time i was a friendly northerner. I don’t know when it happened – probably sometime in my 7 years of living in London – but I’ve become a bit… to put it bluntly, of a cow.
Catch me scowling at you in the smoking area when you ask for a cig (promptly followed by a “do you want me to smoke it for you ‘n all?”). Sneak a peak of me rolling my eyes when you push past in the crowd to get to your mates (completely fair btw). I don't know when it happened but I know I'm being a total bitch, and I’m not the only one.
I confess, in recent years, I’ve been known to be pretty unfriendly to strangers on nights out. Yes, being in a bigger city means you need your guard up, but chatting to strangers on a night out in London is a dying art – and it’s likely part of a wider cultural shift to individualism. When we swerve chatting to strangers, we don’t just miss out on meeting new people to befriend, flirt, and fuck, we miss out on a big part of what nightlife is all about in the first place – community.
I counted, and I think in two festivals (Caprices in Switzerland and Gop Tun in Sāo Paulo) i’ve made approximately 15 new mates. That’s way more than I ever make in London. I’m lucky to have one person I've met in fold, despite frequenting it most winter weekends in 2025. These aren’t just fleeting connections either. Since I left caprices, I’ve FaceTimed and voice noted my new friends weekly, and met up at other festivals internationally too.
In the past, I’ve written about the closure of UK clubs killing our dating lives, which still completely true. But i’m beginning to realise we’re facing another, equally large threat to nightlife – the rise of individualism.
Individualism has been good for western society. We’ve shifted our focus away from traditional institutions like religion or family, resulting in personal development and growth. We probably wouldn’t have raves without it, and I’m the first person to tell someone they should do whatever the fuck they want, whenever they want. But in recent years it’s reached a scary apex. We’re now in an era of hyper-individualism.
Hyper-individualism prioritises personal success and happiness at the expense of social connection and collective responsibility. Naturally reinforced by the TikTok-ification of, well, everything – self improvement methods like tweakments, fitness, and “rise and grind” mentality are keeping us indoors and lonely, and we know it’s making us all pretty miserable.
But we’re not just lonesome, there’s also a decline in civic participation and a disengagement from societal cultural issues. Yes, being your own person is important, but maybe we’ve all let therapy trends monopolise our brains a little too much. The simple fact is this: society can’t positively function without shared responsibility and human connection.
It’s quite ironic that the whole point of going out is to be around people, yet we spend so much of it not chatting to people we don’t already know. Which is pretty similar to what we’re doing on social media, living in the panopticon prison of parassocial relationships with creators and sending memes to our mates rather than picking up the phone.
Another ironic part of this rise of hyper-individualism is that we spend so much time complaining about dating apps, loneliness, the economy, culture (I could go on), but we rarely spend any time doing anything about it. If we all stopped using hinge, it would cease to exist. not to sound preachy, but
it’s literally supply and demand. Most shifts in humanity have happened purely because of people campaigning, protesting and using shared connections to work together and overthrow things that just aren’t good enough. When did we become so exhausted that we stopped giving a shit about anything but peptides and the cute but ultimately useless home furnishings we copped Vinted? (Remember to show off by uploading a pic but never invite anyone over.)
Next time you’re out, strike up a conversation with the person dancing next to you. Ask the person in smokers where they’re from. Ask their name and say yours. Tell the person you fancy you like their shoes (they're probably gross! But do it anyway!). We can complain all we like, but we can’t expect the dance floors to save themselves. Once the government ultimately bans cigs (the OG meet cute) we’re obviously fucked – so use them wisely. 🧯
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